The Secret Origins of Darth Stitch: Episode I

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(This Version includes a slightly different ending than the original)
The Secret Origins of Darth Stitch
Episode I: A New Experiment


Chapter I: Creation

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, on a forgotten asteroid, stood the secret laboratory of one evil scientist, named Jumba Jukeeba. Jumba was accused of making illegal genetic Experiments and was a wanted man (alien whatever you prefer). Inside this lab, Lights were flashing, electricity crackling, and Jumba was laughing manically! Jumba started coughing. When Jumba got a hold of himself he said “Evil laughter. Not good on the throat.” He walked to the center of the room where there was a tube with blue matter floating around in it. When all of the electricity stopped flashing, the matter formed into a ball at the bottom of the tube. The ball unfolded itself to reveal that it was his newest genetic experiment. “It is so cute and fluffy… Where did I go wrong?!?!” Suddenly, the creation leaped up and started trying to break the glass. “Ah, that’s more like it. I was starting to get worried,” Jumba said with a chuckle. “Hello, my little blue friend. I am your creator. Your name is 626. Isn’t that nice?”
The little blue being stood up and said, “H...h...Hiii!” Suddenly, there was a pounding at the laboratory door.
A very gruff voice said, “In the name of the Supreme Emperor Palpatine, open up or we will blast down the door!” Jumba, fearing that it was the Galactic Police coming to arrest him, began hiding his evil equipment.
Jumba frantically said, “Uh... Nobody’s home!” The clattering outside the door continued. “Uh... I can’t donate to the police force today.” Jumba said as he hid the tube where 626 was.
The gruff voice yelled, “Stand back, we are going to blow the door!”
Jumba said, “No! No, don’t do that I uh... I...” and in a best feminine voice said “I’m in the tub!” The door burst and went flying in a million pieces. A group of Imperial Stormtroopers ran through the door, with their blaster rifles at the ready. Once some troopers were in and were surrounding Jumba, he started hearing deep, menacing breathing. A huge figure dressed in all black and a menacing helmet walked in. One of the Stormtroopers said to the figure, “Lord Vader, There is nothing here but this Idiot Scientist...”
Jumba interjected, “I prefer Evil Genius!” The two troopers surrounding him poked him with their blasters telling him to be quite.
The other Trooper continued, “Are you sure this is where you felt the disturbance?”
Lord Vader began to walk around and said, “Yes, Trooper 23-4-23. There is something unusually strong in the Force here.” He reached out through the Force and sensed 626 in the covered tube. He uncovered it revealing what it was. “This is it. Capture it!”
Jumba yelled out, “No! There’s no idea what it may do if released!” One of the Stormtroopers pressed a button and that opened the tube. At that moment, 626 jumped up in the air, used the Force to take one of the Troopers Blasters, and landed right in front of the group Holding Jumba Captive, all in one quick swoop. He pointed the blaster at the group and said, “Ha-ha!”
One of the troopers in the group said in a frightened voice, “Oh no! He has a blaster! I surrender!!”
Trooper 23-4-23 said, “Trooper 22-13-11, we all have blasters!”
“Oh Yeah...” All the troopers except 22-13-11 got there blasters in unison, with him a few seconds later.
626 said, “Oh, uh, ok... 626 go now. Bye bye!”
Trooper 22-13-11 said, “Ok, see you little guy.”
Trooper 23-4-23 said, “No! Get him!”
They all reached for him trying to get him but 626 avoided them all. But then he ran right into Darth Vader. “You are coming with me, my little blue friend.”
626 struggled to get out of his grip but when he realized he couldn’t he said, “Ok, ok 626 go quietly. Bye Jumba.”
As Vader and the Troopers left, Jumba yelled out, “What are you going to do to my creation?”
Trooper 23-4-23 said, “I’m not sure but Lord Vader has something special planned for him.”


Chapter II: Proposition


After a long and uneventful trip through Hyperspace, the ship that 626 and his captors were in arrived at a Giant space station, big enough to be a moon. As they went into the station, Trooper 23-4-23 said, “Welcome to your new home, little guy, The Death Star, the Ultimate weapon of the Empire.” 626’s highly intelligent brain started formulating a plan to escape right when they landed. All he needed to do was get away from the troopers and get to a ship, but he was being brought the wrong way. He was being taken to a holding cell until Darth Vader, who was busy “negotiating” with a Princess, could get to him. They locked him in a containment block from the ceiling so he could not escape easily.
After he had been locked in there for a while, Lord Vader came in and said, “Are you comfortable?”
626 said, “Does 626 look comfortable?”
“You had better learn to speak to me with some respect if you want me to let you out!”
“Why would you let 626 out?”
“Because, my little blue friend, you are Force sensitive.”
“Well, everyone would get hurt if you poked them with ‘forks.’”
“Not the ‘forks,’ The Force, The mystic power that holds everything in the galaxy together. You are able to wield it. I could train you to be a master of the Sith!”
“Why would you want to train 626?”
“I need you to help over throw the Emperor. I can not do it myself.”
“And if 626 does not want to be a Sith?”
“Then, you can stay in this cell forever.”
With a big fake grin 626 said, “Uh, 626 wants to be a Sith then.”
As Darth Vader unlocked his containment on the ceiling, he said, “I thought you might feel that way, so I took the liberty of making you this.” Darth Vader Held up a black robe that was just 626’s size.
“Oooh, 626 likes black!”
“Ah that reminds me. Now that you are a Sith, you need a more menacing name. How about... Darth Stitch?”
626 started laughing and said, “Stitch is not a real name...” Darth Vader took a step closer to put some fear in 626. With a nervous chuckle 626 said, “626 means Stitch is not a real name... on Tatooine. Here it’s a perfectly good name. Darth Stitch it is...”
“That’s more like it.” Suddenly, Elvis Presley’s “Hunk of Burning Love” began playing. “Sorry, that’s my cell. I got to take this.” He answered the phone and said, “Re-elect Palpatine as Emperor, or Else. How may I help you?”
On the phone, you could hear some noises. “You tell him. No you tell him! Wait I know who can tell him! Trooper 22-13-11, you tell him! Hurry!” Trooper 22-13-11 got on the phone and said, “Uh, Hello, Sir. We have a situation. We have picked up a ship’s signal from this system. Should we blast it?”
Darth Vader said, “No, capture it. I sense a presence I have not felt since...” then he hung up and started walking out of the door.
Darth Stitch said, “Hey, what about Darth Stitch?”
Vader said, “You stay here. It could be that idiot scientist to come rescue you.”
Vader walked out the door and locked it then Darth Stitch said, “He Prefers Evil Genius.”


Chapter III: Escape

Being alone in a cell left Darth Stitch little to do but think. He memorized the way down to the cell but he didn’t see a way to the ship hangar, not to mention he was stuck in the cell. He saw that all he needed to do to open the door was rip open the panel by the door and cross a few wires, but he knew the Stormtroopers outside of the door were trained not to let anyone come out of the area without having proper clearance, which Darth Stitch didn’t have. He would need a serious, and well timed, distraction to get out. Right at that moment, the door swung open and a Storm Trooper walked in, but he looked different then the other troopers. Darth Stitch said, “Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”
The person said, “What? Oh, the costume.” He took off his helmet and continued, “I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m here to rescue a Princess Leia; do you know where she is?”
“Down the Hall, Second door to the left.”
Luke started walking out and said “Thanks, little guy,” And then started shutting the door.
Before the door closed, Darth Stitch yelled “What about Darth Stitch?” But, it was too late. The door closed the rest of the way. “Stupidhead.”
Suddenly, Darth Stitch heard several rounds of blaster shots coming from right outside his door. He decided that this was the best time to try and make an escape. He quickly opened the panel and crossed the wires, then, the door whooshed open. He saw that Luke Skywalker, a.k.a Stupidhead, a big hairy guy, a scruffy looking space pirate, and Princess Leia, sporting a very weird hair-do where all fighting a group of Stormtroopers. Darth Stitch climbed up on the ceiling to avoid the array of blaster fire.
As Darth Stitch was crawling past the group, Princess Leia took Luke’s blaster, shot a hole in the wall and jumped down it, Luke Quickly followed. The scruffy looking guy said “Chewie! Get in!” The hairy guy roared in a very disgusted manner. As the scruffy looking guy began to push the hairy one, he said “I don’t care what you smell, Chewie, Go!” Chewie went down the hole and the scruffy looking guy followed not long after.
Two troopers ran to the hole and began arguing. “You go after them!”
“It stinks in there! I am not going! You go!”
This rambling gave Darth Stitch a perfect chance to get to the elevator and head towards the hangar. “Where’s Trooper 22-13-11 when you need him?”
“Hey, I got an idea! Let’s just turn on the garbage masher then neither of us has to go.”
“Good idea! The only question that leaves is how did you get smarter than me?”
“I’m Smarter and better looking.”
“..But, we’re clones. We all look the same.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Maybe you’re not as smart as I thought.”
“I’m smart.”
“Well prove it.”
“How?”
“By calling Darth Vader and telling him that two prisoners escaped.”
“How will that prove I’m smart? Wait, two? I only saw the princess escape.”
“Well, cell bay 1 is open, too. Who was in there?”
“That fluffy, little blue guy.”
“Well where did he go?”
The troopers turned around and saw Darth Stitch in the elevator. Darth Stitch said, “Aloha!” Then, he pushed the button and went up to the next level. He reconfigured the wiring so that the troopers couldn’t follow him. He reached the top and guarding the elevator door was none other than Trooper 22-13-11. He recognized Darth Stitch and said, “Hey little guy! How are you? Nice new duds.”
“Uh, Darth Stitch is good and Darth Stitch likes my new look, too, but Darth Stitch has to go, now. Bye bye.”
“Oh, ok little guy... Wait, I’m not supposed to let anyone leave without necessary clearance. Where were you planning on going?”
Darth Stitch knew he couldn’t tell him where he was really going so he decided to trick Trooper 22-13-11. “Uh, Darth Stitch just wanted to go get a... Cookie?”
In a very serious voice, 22-13-11 said, “A Cookie? They never let Stormtroopers have cookies. I love cookies! Tell you what, little guy; I’ll let you go get a cookie if you bring me one back, Ok?”
With a big, fake smile Darth Stitch said, “Uh, sure. Darth Stitch will be back later.”
Darth Stitch scurried around the Death Star heading for the hangar. We he got to a hangar he saw a big gray ship and to his surprise he saw the same people that were escaping from the prison when he got out. There was a big bunch of Stormtroopers blasting at them. Darth Stitch ran towards the ship, dodging blaster fire all the way. Right before Darth Stitch got to the door of the ship, Luke Skywalker ran in front of him up the ramp, and then closed the door. Darth Stitch said, “What about Darth Stitch?” As the ship took off and started flying away he yelled, “Stupidhead!!”

Chapter IV: Plan


Darth Stitch only had a moment to regain himself and then he had to start running again. Blaster Fire was still zinging all around him. Darth Stitch tore two panels off of the ground and used them to protect himself from the blaster fire as he ran towards a closing door. He used to Force to keep the door open just enough for him to jump through. He popped through the door and let it close the rest of the way after him, only to discover his situation had gone from bad to worse. Standing right in front of him was Darth Vader. He was standing over the robe and lightsaber of his former Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Darth Stitch said, “Darth Stitch has a bad feeling about this…”
Darth Vader turned to him and said, “So, I see you have decided to decline my offer, Darth Stitch.”
“Darth Stitch no want to be bad. Darth Stitch want to be good.”
As Darth Vader turned on his lightsaber, he said, “If you do not wish to join me you, then you must be terminated!” Darth Vader came rushing towards Darth Stitch with his lightsaber right in front of him, ready for a final blow on his former, short-term apprentice.
Darth Stitch quickly used the Force to get Obi-Wan Kenobi’s lightsaber, turn it on, block Darth Vader’s attack, and then said, “Darth Stitch doesn’t think so.”
Darth Vader took a few steps back and said, “The Force is truly strong with you.” Vader went in for another strike but Darth Stitch blocked it. They went back and forth. One attacked the other blocked. Darth Vader’s anger kept growing and growing with every attack. Vader suddenly made several swings at Darth Stitch and said, “You are Vile! You are fowl! And you are deceitful!”
Darth Stitch force jumped to the ceiling to avoid the swings. As he hung upside down on the ceiling with one hand and held the lightsaber in his other he said, “Also, Cute and Fluffy!” Immediately, he cut a small hole in the ceiling that Darth Vader couldn’t fit through and climbed up into it.
The room he was now in appeared to be a break room with a pot of Jawa juice boiling on the table and a giant snack machine. There was no one in the room so he decided to turn off the lightsaber and put it in his cloak. Darth Stitch started heading for the door when he noticed what was in the snack machine. It was full of Wookie Cookies. He was very hungry, but he knew he couldn’t stop to eat because he would have a group of storm troopers on his tail at any moment, so he continued heading to the door, until he remembered how much he loved cookies, then he ran back, broke the glass on the machine with his indestructibly hard head, and started eating all of the cookies. After a while a large group of Storm troopers burst through the door. Trooper 23-4-23, who was leading the group, with his blaster pointed at Darth Stitch, said, “Turn around, put your hands up, and step away from the snack machine!” Darth Stitch stuffed another cookie in his cloak then did as the trooper said. Darth Stitch only had a few seconds to figure out what to do next. But, because of his super computer-like brain he came up with a plan almost instantly. He used the Force to get the pot of Jawa Juice. Knowing what happens to him when he has to much caffeine, which Jawa Juice is full of, he scarffed it all down. Before the troopers could react, Darth Stitch began twitching then used the Force to push the troopers out of his way, and jumped onto the ceiling and began climbing for the hangar bay. He climbed out the door at lightning speed, but the troopers got up and began firing at him. Darth Stitch turned on the lightsaber to block the blaster shots, still moving down the halls of the Death Star very quickly, with the Stormtroopers right behind. He got to a point where there was a big open gap that showed many levels. He quickly jumped in the gap then used the Force to pull himself onto another level. Right in front of him was the prisoner cell elevator, with Trooper 22-13-11 in the same spot still standing guard. Darth Stitch got back up on the ceiling climbing at full speed again and dropped the cookie that he put in his cloak right in front of 22-13-11, and said, “Cookie for you. Got to go now. Bye-bye.”
Trooper 22-13-11 said, “Ok, buddy. Thanks for the cookie.” When Darth Stitch was out of site, 22-13-11 said, “Cute little guy.” He looked over and saw a bunch of troopers leaning over the rail on the above level shooting at Darth Stitch. “Hey!! I wonder what their shooting at?”
Darth Stitch had lost the troopers, but his problems weren’t over yet. The troopers started the lock down sequence which began closing all the doors on the level that Darth Stitch was on. To get through the doors before they closed, he would need to perform feat of agility that only a combination of skill, the will of the Force, and way too much caffeine could pull off. Luckily, he had all those factors on his side. He began Jumping, rolling, spinning, and dancing through the every smaller opening that the doors were leaving. Whenever he made it through the last door, he saw a door with big red letters on it that said two words that made Darth Stitch very happy, “Hangar Bay.”

Chapter V: Destruction


Darth Vader was sitting in an overly large chair in the middle of an overly large room looking out an overly large window. Little did he know he had some overly large problems. Troopers 22-13-11 and 23-4-23 entered the room. 22-13-11 spoke first and said, “Uh, sir we have detected a large group of Rebel fighters amassing right out of range and heading this way.”
Darth Vader turned the chair around and said, “I since that is not the only thing you needed to tell me, Troopers. What has become of Darth Stitch?”
Trooper 23-4-23 said, “Well, we lost Darth Stitch, sir, but we think he went into the level 7 Hangar bay.”
“What! Did he take a ship?” At that moment an alarm sound could be heard right outside the window. Darth Vader turned around at just the right moment to see a very unique Tie Fighter fly by, driven by Darth Stitch, followed by a very large groups of regular Tie Fighters.
Trooper 22-13-11 said, “Yeah he took the red one…”
“All right you two. Come with me to my ship. We have an experiment to catch.”

Darth Stitch noticed the Rebel fighters and hacked into their radio frequencies. A voice over the radio said, “… all you have to do is hit the exhaust port dead on.”
The familiar voice of Luke Skywalker chimed in and said, “Just like bulls-eyeing wamp rats in my T-16 back home.”
“All right Roll call!”
“Red 2 standing by.”
“Red 1 standing by.”
“Red 4 standing by.”
Darth Stitch burst into the conversations by saying, “H…H...Hi!”
The other voice continued, “Uh … All right men! Let’s take out that Death Star!” As all the Rebel fighting went whooshing in, Darth Stitch fell into formation right behind them, ready to take out the Death Star. Darth Stitch began shooting all the guns towers positioned on the station and taking a few Tie Fighters down with them. He found where the exhaust port was, the Death Star’s only weakness. As he was going down the trench, he noticed the familiar face of Luke Skywalker in an X-wing fighter right next to him. Darth Stitch picked up the radio and said, “Aloha, Stupidhead!”
Luke replied, “What are you doing here?”
“Darth Stitch is going to explode the Death Star. What are you doing here?”
“I’m going to explode the Death Star!”
An ominous voice said, “I don’t think either of you will.” Darth Stitch turned on his rear view and saw that Darth Vader’s ship and two others, driven by Troopers 22-13-11 and 23-4-23, were coming up fast.
“Darth Stitch will hold them off. You explode Death Star.” Darth Stitch whipped the ship around and began spinning it and firing at Darth Vader’s ship at the same time. Darth Vader took this opportunity to lock his guns onto Darth Stitch’s ship. Right before Darth Vader was able to fire; the gray ship the Darth Stitch had seen earlier on the Death Star flew up and blasted the ships.
Han Solo used the radio to say to Luke, “Your all clear, kid. Go for it!” Luke fired his missiles, but they didn’t go in! “Luke, what happened?”
“I don’t know. That hole looked a lot smaller than the plans we had.”
The voice of Princess Leia came on and said, “If it is smaller, the only type of ship that could explode it would be…a Tie Fighter!”
Darth Stitch caught on at that moment, turned the ship around and said, “Darth Stitch is on it!”
Han Solo said, “All right, we got you covered.”
Darth Stitch concentrated on the Force and then Fired His Missiles right into the exhaust port! He and the other surviving rebel ships turned around and flew off right as the Death Star Exploded!


Chapter VI: Beginning


Inside a large temple on the secret rebel moon base, Yavin 4, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca all walked in a large room and started walking down an equally large aisle. When they reached the end of the aisle, they saw Princess Leia standing there in a long, white dress. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker bent over as the Princess put a metal of honor around their necks. Chewbaca bent over ready to receive his metal. Right as Leia was about to put one around his neck, suddenly something flashed right in between them and the metal was gone. To looked over and they saw Darth Stitch with it in his hand. As he put it around his neck, Chewbacca let out a bellowing roar and started chasing him, right as Darth Stitch let out his maniacal little laugh “Hahahaha!”